When You're Expecting... {our adoption love story}

He jokes that maybe we could park in the reserved "expecting mothers" space at Superstore... and when we pass the maternity clothes, he suggests I buy something.

He grins wide... and I can't help but laugh.

Because yes, we are expecting -- without the swollen belly -- and we have this almost-confirmed-due-date that we are eagerly anticipating.

We have car seats in our living room, and to-lists on our message board, and our to-do's build, and our emotions with it. 

We walk through Babies 'R Us with this list of things we need, and this handyman laughs when a half hour later we walk out with sidewalk chalk, a pack of a dozen for just $1.99... so productive, he says. 

But we've come so far, since May of 2012, when we said yes to this unpredictable road that has completely removed us from a place of comfort to this place of unknown, and risk, and complete dependence on a loving God who calls us to this and we wouldn't have it any other way.

So yes, there's grace and joy, when all we carry from this mega-store is a pail of colorful chalk. 

We find ourselves grabbing quick dinners, often late at night, as our schedule and routine has been wildly turned upside down. This former overly-comfortable-couple is wonderfully busy spending evenings with a beautiful sibling-pair... debriefing our visits for hours... and eating something that resembles food to keep these tired bones going. 

We're in this transition mode with the goal of having the children living with these brand new parents by the end of September. So the children are getting to know us, and we're this student of them... 

But we are unable to legally adopt as this pair not been given crown ward status by a judge. So this is called a fostering-with-a-view-to-adopt, and if ever they have crown ward status we will be their adoptive parents. Or, we could receive a call one day that the judge has plans for them to return to their biological family...

We are fully surrendered to His plan

My heart aches for these children with this uncertain future, and for the biological parents, and for the foster family, and the complete brokenness of this world...

But believing that this can all be somehow redeemed... and that in so many ways, there is already evidence of redemption.

And that is all of this unknown, He is known and knows us... and in all of our inadequacies, He is everything... and in all of the worry, He is complete peace... and with all of the loss, He can make these hearts whole. 

So we arrange bedrooms, and clear out closets... and they come and bring life and noise to these former-empty-quiet-spaces.

Together we embrace the pure joy among all this difficulty and challenges and loss... and feeling that yes, this joy can rise above these circumstances. 

And so we fall into the joy... and we're amazed at how these children do that best.